Friday, January 13, 2012

#54 Reflecting on 2011

At the end of every year, I like to reflect on the year passed and figure out what I learnt, the mistakes I made, the successes, and if in general it was enjoyable (and if not, why).

Rereading my post Tall Poppies, I did work at my career and have moved forward in it. I worked extremely hard, sacrificed time with friends and sleep, too much looking back now. I don't really regret it, as it's given me choices, but I do wish I spent more time with the people who mean a lot to me.

I said I was going to work hard at my writing. Unfortunately I didn't do any writing apart from this blog. I do regret that. The longer you don't write, the harder it is to get back into it. If only it was as easy as 'getting back on the bike'.

I also said I was going to work hard at my relationship with the Father. But alas, that also didn't happen, and a huge regret there.

Do I think last year was a failure? No. I learnt so much last year about myself, was pushed so far beyond anything I have ever experienced before - I'm talking about my work, but that seeps into so many aspects of your character. I have changed and grown up so much in the last year and you can't regret that. I understand more about God (I think, time will tell), and I know now what I am capable of. Dare I say, I think if I really wanted to, I could accomplish my dreams. Just have to keep trucking forward.

So again no, I'm not making new years resolutions this year. I have desires this year and I feel I should share them here so next year I can do some reflection. The main ones are:

- Do some bloody writing
- Work on my relationship with the Father
- Join an agency, finish my acting course, and get some work
- Change something about my job
- Spend more time with my friends
- Save for an adventure

Are you determined in what you want to accomplish? Let's be determined together.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

#53 Live like we're dying

I'm back to work this week after having a week off. Boy did I need a break - and it was amazing. I headed North on my lonesome, and had the best time I've had in a long time. I was very lucky as the weather was amazing, I read, swam, lay on the beach and slept. When I come to think of it, I haven't had a break like that for 3 years.

I went sailing. Those 3 words may not mean that much to you but I've wanted to go sailing ever since I saw the film 'White Squall', and that was over a decade ago. I have a thing for open spaces, I love sitting on hills, being on a boat and looking at a huge expanse of nothing, looking out the window of an airplane and seeing nothing by sky. It moves me. So being on a sail boat was extremely special for me, I got to sit on the wooden pole that hangs over the sea at the front of the boat (have no idea the proper name), ocean below my dangling feet, wind in my hair, slowly moving across the bay. If I had to sit there for the rest of my life I wouldn't complain.

It got me thinking... there is so much I want to do, and no reason why I can't do it. I'm scared of getting stuck. Countless people get stuck, and I can't, I won't. I feel like I'm trying to convince myself I won't. I know if I did, it would be a slow death, not physically of course, I mean my heart.

There is so much I want to do. They are dreams and aspirations, and I know I have to be realistic, but why can't I do them all? And I think it's time I started on those things. Maybe I have, only hindsight will tell. I don't take things like this for granted, I know not everyone can go off and do what they want for many many reasons. But for me, at this time in my life, I have nothing holding me back. It's time I started preparing myself for an adventure. Maybe it's post holiday excitement talking, but I don't think so. Something inside me changed when I was away and it's here to stay. I had this feeling when I decided to move up here, and it's a similar feeling.

I did the Myers Briggs personality test the other week, turns out I'm 'The Idealist'. It was bang on and very very helpful.

So the plan is to stay here for another year, save money, finish my acting course and leave New Zealand.

Life really is too short. I know I sound like I'm trying to live out the cliched 'American Dream'. I'm not I assure you, I know enough about it to know it's unattainable. I'm just trying to live.

Happy New Year!

- The Idealist.