Monday, December 20, 2010

#29 I'll be home for Christmas

I'll be home for Christmas (thanks to a great guy I have befriended, you know who you are). See you soon Christchurch, can't wait to hold my family.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

#28 There is nothing wrong with me

Recently I have been seeing a great counsellor, and it has been hard but undeniably on the mark. It's a different kind of counselling and I know as soon as I say 'different' people may be put off - it's funny how anything unknown always comes to us with a 'warning warning warning' siren. Let me explain, most counselling is called 'indirect' counselling which is the cliche questions like "how does that make you feel?" or "what do you think?". But there is a thing called 'directive' counselling which for me, I find most helpful - because when I finally decide to go to counselling, I have done all the self analysis, the soul searching, the asking questions and now I just want some bloody advice and to be told what is going on in my head, instead of asking me questions that I have already asked myself. And I'll be honest, I don't have the time or money for that sort of session. 

I love counselling. It is unbelievably helpful. The most significant thing I have learnt so far is that when I was young, about 5 or so, I decided there was something wrong with me, it was deep in my subconscious, it was my theme song - and it has dictated so many of my decisions and my beliefs about myself. It explains so much of my behaviour over the years, especially my teenage years. My longing for acceptance by my peers and when I was finally accepted, I couldn't believe it because 'there was something wrong with me'. 

This revelation is changing my life, because I am starting to believe there is nothing wrong with me... I am normal, the same as everyone else, I am equal to everyone on the planet. We really are all in this together. 

Friday, December 10, 2010

#27 Dare you

Dare you to live without anxiety, dare you to live like you weren't the butt of every joke. Dare you to love like you were never hurt, dare you to cry like a child. Dare you to believe your parent’s divorce wasn’t your fault. Dare you to believe in yourself. Dare you to hope for your life, dare you to hope in yourself. Dare you to see the good in people, dare you to see the good in yourself. Dare you to love your family. Dare you to sing, dare you to dance in front of people. Dare you to believe you don't have to be alone, dare you to break out of your seclusion. Dare you to not be selfish with your time, dare you to not be selfish with your money. Dare you to work like you were working for yourself. Dare you to eat better, dare you to exercise. Dare you to start being wise with your money. Dare you to not be judgmental, dare you to stop comparing yourself with others. Dare you to believe you are significant. Dare you to forgive everyone who has hurt you, dare you to believe you are forgiven for everything. Dare you to live. Dare you to laugh everyday. Dare you to start loving yourself, dare you to believe that you are lovable. Dare you not to punish yourself, dare you not to hate yourself. Dare you to believe you are loved, dare you to love others. Dare you to tell the people you love that you love them. Dare you to move on from the past, dare you to acknowledge that everyone is broken. Dare you to choose freedom. Dare you to be real. Dare you to tell your story. Dare you to become. Dare you to make a goal. Dare you to open your heart. Dare you not to lose yourself to superficial thinking. Dare you to believe He died for you, dare you to seek the Creator. Dare you to get up get up and do something, dare you to make your own decisions. Dare you to take captive every thought, dare you not to be dictated by fear. Dare you to move on, dare you to move. Dare you to remember tomorrow is another day, dare you to make the most of your day. Dare you to believe it won't always be like this. Dare you to feed your spirit. Dare you to see past yourself. Dare you to be humble, dare you to admit you're wrong. Dare you to grow up. Dare you to be honest. Dare you to open the curtains, dare you to look in the mirror and not hate what you see. Dare you to remember He is with you always, even till the very end of the age.

Dare you to be the person you dreamed you would be, dare you to work hard to get there. Dare you to chase it with your heart. Dare you to believe you are amazing. Dare you to believe you are the only one like you, dare you
to be you.