Saturday, December 18, 2010

#28 There is nothing wrong with me

Recently I have been seeing a great counsellor, and it has been hard but undeniably on the mark. It's a different kind of counselling and I know as soon as I say 'different' people may be put off - it's funny how anything unknown always comes to us with a 'warning warning warning' siren. Let me explain, most counselling is called 'indirect' counselling which is the cliche questions like "how does that make you feel?" or "what do you think?". But there is a thing called 'directive' counselling which for me, I find most helpful - because when I finally decide to go to counselling, I have done all the self analysis, the soul searching, the asking questions and now I just want some bloody advice and to be told what is going on in my head, instead of asking me questions that I have already asked myself. And I'll be honest, I don't have the time or money for that sort of session. 

I love counselling. It is unbelievably helpful. The most significant thing I have learnt so far is that when I was young, about 5 or so, I decided there was something wrong with me, it was deep in my subconscious, it was my theme song - and it has dictated so many of my decisions and my beliefs about myself. It explains so much of my behaviour over the years, especially my teenage years. My longing for acceptance by my peers and when I was finally accepted, I couldn't believe it because 'there was something wrong with me'. 

This revelation is changing my life, because I am starting to believe there is nothing wrong with me... I am normal, the same as everyone else, I am equal to everyone on the planet. We really are all in this together. 

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