#36 Groove

noun1 a long, narrow cut or depression, esp. one made to guide motion or receive a corresponding ridge.• a spiral track cut in a phonograph record, into which the stylus fits.• Climbing an indentation where two planes of rock meet at an angle of more than 120°.2 an established routine or habit : his thoughts were slipping into a familiargroove.

3 informal a rhythmic pattern in popular or jazz music : the groove laid down by the drummer and bassist is tough and funky

If I had to choose which one of those options described my life for the past several years I would like to say number 3 - unfortunately it's number 2. "His thoughts were slipping into a familiar groove" ... how interesting the dictionary chose that as an example, because my thoughts have been slipping into a familiar groove, an unhealthy groove, a groove of foul thinking and messed up misbeliefs... and it kills my mood, my inspiration, my zest for life if you will. I have been trying to create new grooves, change my stink thinking to healthy thinking, and let me tell you, it is so hard to change "an established routine or habit", but it is possible. I know it is possible because I have changed some of my stinky thinking and I am better for it. I am freer in that area, not irrational and not emotional. Freedom is great motivation. 

I had my first counseling session for the year tonight and it was great. On the drive I had no idea where it would go, to be honest I couldn't be bothered going. I know my mind had been slipping into my unhealthy grooves and I was swimming in my own created cesspool of shitty thinking - but I wanted/needed help to get out of it... again. I was going to call this post 'repeatometer', as I constantly feel like my life is full of repeats. I repeat songs, I repeat behaviours and actions that I 

don't want to, basically I feel like a walking, living repeatometer. And that my friend, is an example of my stupid  thinking, because if I am thinking that I am a walking, living repeatometer, I am also thinking that since that's what I am, I have no hope in changing. Which is a lie. There is always hope, and there is always hope to change. We are the deciders of our paths, no one else. If you want it, come and get it, cos' no ones going to give it to you on a silver platter. 

Within this stinky thinking is the thought that I am alone, there is no one else who feels the same. And I know that can't be true, because I'm not actually that special, I'm just like everyone else (that doesn't mean I'm not significant, there is a difference). If this isn't making any sense it all started in my post there is nothing wrong with me.

I guess what I really want to say is:

be encouraged

we can create new grooves

you are not alone

you can do this

you are not alone

you are not alone

you are not alone.