Saturday, October 22, 2011

#51 I can't get no...

This week has been one of 'those' weeks. I've had many many moments of wanting to strangle people, quit what I'm doing and go overseas. It wasn't so much FML moments, more FTW moments. I'm glad to say I don't feel like that right now - which is good. What do you do when nothing makes you feel better? I felt so trapped in my life this week, nothing could make it better. All I wanted to do was sleep. I need to be creative, I currently do nothing creative. Go to work, eat dinner, sleep, go to work. It's so bloody mundane. The 9 to 5 is complete shit. And it's been more 9am to 10pm in the last few weeks. I know I am a spoilt adult with all the luxuries the western world provides - and I am completely unsatisfied. 
I have no time to sit, think and reflect, which is something I must do or else it starts to build up, and this week has been proof. I nearly threw it all away. 

It's funny knowing God. Once you have met Him, experienced His love, heard Him speak - there is just no turning back. I will admit I have spent jack all time with Him recently, and it has not been the time of my life. I know He is the be all, end all. He really is. Yet I shy away from Him... mostly in shame and unworthiness if I'm going to be honest. 

Something I have realised this week. I am a creative being that needs to be doing just that. Working for the man sucks the life out of you. I've had echoes this week of that verse I've heard so much throughout my life, "what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" I have definitely been hurting my soul and I am feeling it now. 

I need to do something about it, about all of it. It's time to wake up. 

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